What to send to Shiva?

Submitted by Hannah Feldfix on Tue, 01/01/2019 - 12:32

Different faiths and cultures practice different mourning rituals and practices, and it is sometimes a tricky subject to navigate. Some places wear white to the funeral, some wear black, and some wear festive clothes. Some cultures appreciate flowers in this context, and to some it would be an insult.

Jewish tradition dictates that the close family of the deceased sits in "Shiva" mourning their relative for a week, after tearing their clothes ceremoniously when they hear the news. Mourning customs include sitting only on low stools or low to the ground, and receiving condolence visits from loved ones and friends.

During these visits, it is appropriate to bring a condolence basket, food, or make a meaningful donation in the name of the deceased. If you cannot arrive for a visit in person, sending one of these condolence gifts is a way to show that you are there paying your respects in spirit, and wish to honor the family or the deceased.

The close family members will continue ritually avoiding certain pleasures for the whole year, but the week after the person's passing, known as the Shiva, is when you send the condolence package or donate in their name to a worthy cause. You can donate to a charity, to the soldiers, or donate to plant trees in Israel in their name. These are beautiful ways to commemorate the kind spirit of the deceased. Or you may send a gift basket with foods for the family to partake in and have food that they do not have to prepare themselves during their time of mourning.

Classic choices are fresh or dried fruit or nuts, baked goods, sweets, or even full meals. These food baskets are part of the Jewish tradition of providing for the mourning family and making sure they

have nourishment, as they are not supposed to leave the house during that week of mourning. Typically, the baskets do not include wine or meat. On the flip side, one tradition that does not carry over into Judaism is sending flowers. It is not traditional to send flowers to a Jewish funeral or Shiva home, as they do not have a part in the Jewish mourning ritual. Instead, in Jewish funerals, people may place stones on the grave if they wish.

If you have a friend, family member, or coworker who is sitting Shiva, you now know what you can do to properly send your condolences to them and their family. These traditions are very flexible, yet are rooted in the deep history of the Jewish people. Offering your condolences in this way will show a respect for them and their culture, and you will come across as culturally sensitive and a truly wonderful person.

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